so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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