i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
