I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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