What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
