i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Actions speak louder than pants.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
