508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
