Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
