my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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