; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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