just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
