Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
