That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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