at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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