i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
