She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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