Dude my mom stole all your condoms
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She told me I should be a condom model.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
