the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
