Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
