im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
