to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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