dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
