Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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