i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
