So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
