3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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