Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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