If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
