Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
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I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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