At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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