I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think I am morally bankrupt
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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