How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
