OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
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