Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
