only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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