Your face is a jimmy john
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She announced her abortion via fbk
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
they're like a gay fantastic four
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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