worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
