i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
