I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
