You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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