Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
