My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
did i walk over a car last night?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
