He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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