i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize