Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I will be naked everywhere
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
