Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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