**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
