went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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