WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
