I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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