shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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