remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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