I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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