Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
