The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
