my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
