He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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