after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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