Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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