Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
