life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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