let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
