I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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