I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!