So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail