I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
