I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
