my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You've changed since you got that strap on
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
