just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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