I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
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The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
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I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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