how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
