Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
