Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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