My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
