ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
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