Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
