i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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