Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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