happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
