Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
