Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
