Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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