Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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