would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
