The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
