No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I want a musical about memes.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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