I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
