At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
