From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
